Top Five Ways to Write a ‘Top Five’ Just Like Everyone Else

Tue May 8, 2007 5:19:00 pm by Dustin
Filed under Dealing with People, Fun, General, Tools and Tricks

Before I start I need to say a few things to clarify my meaning here. First of all there is a contest at ProBlogger.net until Thursday May 10th for which I am entering this post. The title of the contest is Top 5. Its theme is to have the contestants write posts about something, anything, as long as it is a top five. Secondly, anything which is said here is not supposed to discredit Darren Rowse for anything which he has accomplished or taught me.

Here are my five ways to write Top 5 post on your site:

  • Be Repetitive, Be Be Repetitive – Make sure you really hammer home that point. Lists are always good ideas. Make sure you say each point seven or eight times to really make sure the audience understands.
  • Don’t Use Voice – Why in the world would your readers want to know you have a personality? Come on be dry, use useless words.
  • Get Links From Others (Well Sort of) – Of course you will market the greatness of this new post to all your friends and the other site you read on a regular basis. Some of these sites will be nice enough to tell the world what you have written. The problem is they are going to summarize your list of Top 5 and give no reason for their visitors to link through to your site. Happy day, look what I did.
  • Say It Again So Everybody Can Hear You – See the first bullet, champ.
  • Get Angry At Your Commenters – So chances are after writing 132 differences between red and green somebody might not agree with #76. Yell at them, get angry, tell them they are a boob and to never return. This way the list will be secure from any intrusion of other people’s rational thoughts.

I would like to say one of those ‘thirdly’ items to add to the ‘firstly’ and ’secondly’ stated before. I am not the perfect writer either. If you look at my posts for February and March, I more or less posted about what others were posting about. It was quite lame and did not get anybody anywhere. So why would I make this post? Well I was hoping the world of writing on the Web would realize all it is really doing is giving bullet points of boredom. 22 ways to remove your finger from your nose. Three ways to sleep with a monkey. 84.623 ways to wash your car in the rain.


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  2. This Eclectic Life

    Very excellent points. I’m relatively new to blogging, and when I look for a blog to read, I’m seeking “a voice” and some content…not another list! Thanks.

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  6. Ray

    Wow nice pings.

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  10. Jeff

    Nice. I like it. In fact, I have noticed all of those 5 traits in the best top 5 lists I have read on the web! gg

    - Jeff

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  12. Ray

    I think what Jeff meant to say was.

    Best. Post. Evar.

  13. Dustin

    Wow. Thanks.

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  27. Brandon

    I’m seeing a trend with your ping backs…

  28. Dustin

    I really did not expect to get this many pings. But hey, I will take them.

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  30. Phil

    Hope you got the hots for “Group Writing,” sounds kinda kinky!

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  33. James

    Err…so this huge pile of links is not actually spam, but a mal-construence of the term “Ping” used instead of referral? Are all these people posting the notes actively, or is it an automated feature of your publishing software?

    Eitherway, it seems somebody is reading your site…

  34. Ray

    It’s 2-fold.

    1) User from site A puts a link to this in their trackback/ping-enabled weblog (such as Wordpress). The weblog then notifies this weblog at
    {url}/trackback
    2) This site (or any other trackback/ping receiving and enabled weblog) receives the posted variables, then creates what looks like a comment from that site with the context in which it was linked.

    Clever process, really.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pingback

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